He's My Man, Not My God.

All of the pressure that you put on a man to be perfect is a reflection of your incomplete, lukewarm relationship with God. God is the only one that can make you whole. If you go into the relationship as an incomplete person, you've already destroyed the relationship before it truly begins. No one can take the pressure of being someone's god, that’s why God alone is sovereign. Therefore you bring nothing to the relationship but stress and frustration. Your relationship with God should always be a priority, it's the foundation to every area of your life. If God is indeed Love, then God's love needs to be made whole in you before you can love another human being, who is meeting you with their own baggage.

            "If They Can Control Your Emotions, They Can Control Your Life."

From experience I know that it's very easy for us to make our men our god, placing them on a pedestal that only has room for God. What ends up happening is, you hold him responsible for things that he has no control over. For example, peace, restoration and joy but God is the only supplier for that. Don’t get me wrong, being loved by the right one is life-changing, but they will have their bad days. So, when you have them positioned as the god in your life, there's no room for grace. They’ll feel like they always have to be on 10, they can never mess up. I know, we’ve heard that the man should be our superman, which is fine but let him be a human being too. Sometimes we see a Godly man, and expect him to be God Himself. Meaning, no mistakes, no breaks, no flaws, no issues, no weakness the list goes on! Just because he’s a Godly man doesn’t mean there’s no room for error, it just means that just as you are fighting daily to be more like Christ , so is he. In that kind of environment the love cannot grow, in fact you suffocate it. You'll begin to wonder why you're not happy, overlooking all the good that they are able to do, because you're so focused on your expectations of them being your superman, the source of your happiness, and ultimately your god. Humans were created for worship, so it's very easy for us to become obsessed with someone or something. But you were commanded to guard our heart (Proverbs 4:23) and guarding your heart becomes extremely difficult, if you’re giving a human being power that only belongs to God.

  I've learned that for God to be the foundation, my eyes have to be focused on Him(Jesus) not him (David). Okay… that sounded pretty spiritual and not practical. Basically all of the attention that you’re giving to him, the constant worship, the fact that you can’t wait to find an opportunity to praise him in front of everyone but you praise God only in private...that has to stop. It's extremely toxic to your spirit and the health of the relationship. When my relationship with God is off, then my relationship with David is completely off. It directly affects us because I'm spiritually frustrated, and so the littlest things irritate me and no amount of words of affirmation or hugs can fix that.

"Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord." - Jeremiah 17:5

In some cases, women make the man their god before they even meet him. A relationship won't make you whole, don't desire it more than you desire God. A man, a relationship will not answer the cry of your soul, although it can drown out the noise for some time but not for long. Remember that he is a human being just like you, He's not Jesus. His goal should be to grow in his assignment to love you just as Christ loves his church (when he’s your husband). But you have to make room for him to grow, Jesus loves the Church as His bride so much that It was worth his life. Newsflash: No one is born with that amount of love! So be full of grace, love and encouragement, it will promote the growth of Christ-like Love! I think that If you can't draw a line between your expectations for God and your expectations from your partner then, you’ve probably given him the place of God in your life. You can't expect him to have all the answers sometimes he just doesn’t know, and you need to be fine with that and carry the same grace God gives you. It is unfair to him, just because you allowed your spiritual well to run dry doesn’t mean your significant other should quench your thirst.

Interestingly enough you get into a relationship thinking you're finally about to be happy, but then months go by and you find yourself just as miserable as you were before. Fact: No man should ever take the place of God, not when he’s your boyfriend, your fiance or husband - it doesn’t matter how the title changes God should still be sovereign in your life. You can respect and honor him without making him an idol. You'll find yourself resenting him and creating problems that aren’t even there! Don’t suck the life out of your relationship, you’ll both be way happier and comfortable when you allow God to be God, all by Himself. No one should have that much power over you! When you give people that kind of power, they will misuse and abuse it.. Which will result in them abusing you and leaving you when they're tired of playing the role of god in your life. Jesus is the only Prince of Peace, so let Him be your main and only source of peace.

Signs: (may not be the same for you, identify yours!)

• Spending more time with him than God.
• Relying solely on him for happiness. 
• Expecting him to "make" you feel loved by him allllllll the time.
• Expecting him to read your mind and know your most deepest desires.. (When you haven’t even voiced them). 
• Exaggerating their every move & mistakes with your imaginary magnifying glass.
• They have the power to turn your day upside down with just a single word. 
• Finding yourself angry at him when he cannot physically be there.
• Overly dependent on him (only God can handle that pressure). 
• You feel like your life is falling apart when he's too busy to spend time with you. 
• Thinking of ways to better your relationship more than your relationship with God.

“You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them” (Ex. 20:3–5)

OUR NEW EBOOK "BREAKING FREE AFTER A BREAKUP" IS OUT NOW!!
HERE'S THE LINK!: http://www.amazon.com/dp/ASIN  https://books2read.com/u/3LrB7D 

                               I Love y'all!! & Jesus loves you sooo much more,
                                                               Ella 

My Boyfriend Doesn't Want to Wait Till Marriage to Have Sex (Trailer)

Hey guys! We're so excited to announce that we will be making blog videos starting February. Here's a trailer for the blog post "My Boyfriend Doesn't Want to Wait Till Marriage to Have Sex", expect the full video soon! Please let us know the topics you would like for us to discuss in our future videos, we understand that sometimes the written blogs can be a little long (sorry) lol. We hope you enjoy the trailer!



                                                     Jesus is crazy about you,
                                                               David & Ella

OUR NEW EBOOK "BREAKING FREE AFTER A BREAKUP" IS OUT NOW!!
HERE'S THE LINK!: http://www.amazon.com/dp/ASIN  https://books2read.com/u/3LrB7D 

Keep Your Eyes on Jesus

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" - Matthew 14:30

Years ago, my Sunday school teacher would ask the class, “how many of you can honestly say that you will go to heaven if Jesus was to come back right now?” Although I never raised my hand, because it was the norm not to, I remember feeling like I would go to heaven. I remember thinking to myself, “I may not be perfect, but I’m a pretty good guy”. I remember looking around the room and thinking to myself, if I don’t make it to heaven, than most of these heathens don't stand a chance.

Young Christian Couples: Let's Talk Sex; FAQ (Part 2)

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Instagram : @For_ella, @Presidentduodu,  

Facebook : Emmanuella Tandoh (hardly on there) , David Asamoah-Duodu 

Twitter : @presidentduodu, @_xfollowmyheels.

1. Over 2 years of being together and no sex? How is this normal for you guys, since this wasn't how your previous relationships were?

DAVID: This is hands-down, my toughest project to date. Growing up, I was always told that sex should be saved for marriage. My Sunday school teachers told me that God would punish those who had sex before marriage. Because I did not want the wrath of God upon me, I decided at a young age that I would save sex for marriage. This was an easy vow to make during the times when I still ate boogers and thought girls were a little nasty. However, that phase passed and when the opportunity for sex presented itself, my fear of God’s punishment was nowhere to be found in the heat of passionate moments. Despite becoming sexually active, things in my life were still going very well. As a result, I came to the conclusion that God must not have been that unhappy with my new lifestyle. Watching porn, masturbating, and having sex had all become part of my norm. 

This was the case until I had an “at the well” experience. This happened gradually, but I became aware of an inherent hunger and thirst that lived deep within me. After numerous nights of studying the Bible and listening to sermons on YouTube during my senior year in high school, I began to learn more about this God who I had been running away from in my early days. The peace and the joy that came with knowing Him super passed the satisfaction of all the acts of temporary pleasure that I had come to know. Slowly but surely, God began to flip my world upside down. What I had come to accept as normal no longer felt right. Coming to know the love of God was the GAME-CHANGER for me. Temptation and sin did not magically disappear, but my reactions to them were no longer the same. During this transitional period, I fell countless times, because in my eagerness to change, I fought with my own strength. As God led me to humble myself, teaching me that the “spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26:41), I decided to surrender all to Him; my thoughts, my desires, my body, my all. For my body, abstaining from sex remains a foreign concept, as I am always ready to go. However, in my spirit, I am at peace with the decision to abstain, regardless of how unpopular this might be. I've chosen to die to this body in order to free my spirit, which carries the image of God. And this, has made saving sex normal.

ELLA: Adjusting wasn't easy at all for me. In my previous relationships, I expressed how much I wanted to practice abstinence. The guys would either play along with it for a while and cheat on me or they made me feel stupid for thinking that was an option. Before we got together, intimacy and sex were equivalent to me, it was a part of “showing” love or interest for someone. That mindset didn't just melt away when we got together, so the transition wasn't easy. I didn’t know how to show my love or affection without getting physical.  I remember also feeling like David wasn’t interested in me and he didn’t love me because he didn’t show his affection the way my ex’s did. Our first Christmas together he wrote me a poem along with my gift, and I thought it was really sweet…that’s it. A couple months ago I read it again and I couldn’t stop crying, seriously blown away by his love for me. But I realized that I didn’t really feel that way when he first gave it to me. It showed me that God was working on my heart the whole time. Transitioning definitely wasn’t normal but as I pursued God, He literally performed open heart surgery on me and I had no idea. When we allow the world to teach us how to love, we eventually end up suffering. Saving yourself for your spouse should be normal, but we need to turn back to God in order for it to be normal again. Don’t worry about it not feeling normal or how hard it’s going to be, God will handle it but are you READY?

Abstinence Ain't Sexy

Why is it so hard to believe that you can be in a relationship without sex, when you’ve had so many failed relationships with sex? Some use sex as a means of applying glue to a relationship and wonder why the bond ends up weakening to the point of destruction. How can a relationship truly stand the attacks of this world when Love Himself isn’t invited? The title of this blog expresses the lie the world attempts to portray as truth. There’s truly nothing sexier than abstaining from premature, untimely sex. It only sounds like a joke because we were born into a world that chooses to persuade us to believe that God and His Word is a joke because truth has been rejected. So truth is sex is great, there’s no way around it and God never labeled it as nasty or “bad”, or a topic to be forbidden from discussion in the church; we did that. Search all over the Bible and you’ll see that God deemed it good. 

To the Women

As a young woman, I found that abstinence is definitely sexy because it shows that I am aware of my worth and a man must handle me with care. This choice expresses my desire to be treated with the utmost respect and dignity. The only way a man can have all of me is by courting me then giving up his bachelor life to be my husband. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s a part of being the woman God has called me to be. It’s not about being a perfect saint, it’s about persistently  fighting to live a life of purity. If His word says He wants you to keep your legs closed until you and your soul mate belong to each other, trust His word because He’s the real Love doctor. Those magazines, advice columns and friends are leading you astray, because they are secretly just as lost as you are. If there’s anyone who knows how to keep the love alive between you and your partner it’s God, don’t forget that He created the both of you.

Growing up, I lacked respect for men but David fell into a different category. I respect him because, he refuses to allow sex to be his master and he’s not encouraging his desires to cause him to disobey God’s word. Because David submits himself to God, I actually look forward to submitting myself to him when he’s my husband, and seriously after years of loving me without sex, his wish will always gladly be my command….TMI? When we are married I want to honor my husband out of desire, not just obligation. When love is done God’s way the “sexy” never dies. When I made Jesus the love of my life, I was be able to see myself the way He does. Try it out, He adores you and once the scales have been removed from your eyes you’ll understand why practicing abstinence is necessary for a jewel like yourself. Through abstinence both your strengths and weaknesses will be revealed to each other. It’ll cause you to lean on God while loving your partner despite their flaws, and that’s what intimacy is all about.

To the Gentlemen

As a young man, the thought of waiting until marriage seems impossible, especially since marriage seems so far away. And quite frankly, the desire for sex doesn’t magically disappear, no matter how many times I pray. To be completely honest, I sometimes get the urge in the middle of prayer. Nevertheless, as God continues to unveil the truth about Love, He’s shown me that selflessness is sacrifice, and love, in its most authentic form cannot exist without sacrifice (greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends) – John 15:13. He has taught me the importance of waging war against my flesh and laying down my sexual desires because in so doing, I exercise true love not only in obedience to Him, but in consideration of my future wife and other women out there.

By God’s grace, I happen to know who my future wife is. So for us, waiting is our love gift to one another, through which we express our utmost respect to each other and we invite our heavenly Father to be the foundation and focal point of the relationship. Because Emmanuella chooses to abstain as she practices purity and seeks her Father, who happens to be the King of kings, it becomes natural for me to treasure her as the princess she is. God has taught me to see her as the King’s daughter and this new perspective fights against all my urges to see her as an object for sexual release. This new perspective demands a different approach from me, especially since the King, her Father, sees and knows all things. It has not been easy, but God continues to teach and strengthen me in this fight. 

To All

On June 24, 2012, we were brought together, weathered from past experiences, scarred from failed relationships, yet united by the pacts we had separately made to radically and wholeheartedly seek God.

Over two years of waiting has been far from easy. But we know that every relationship, just like every life, has a great purpose upon it. We believe God is calling us to challenge ourselves and to save sex for the marriage bed.God brought us together quite early in our lives and we've been blessed with the opportunity to grow together in pursuit of a God-fearing marriage.  Regardless of who you are, the gift of waiting is a blessing in which we are all welcomed to partake.

For those who are courting and wish to abstain from sex, remember to set guidelines and to hold each other accountable. But don’t forget to be friends. Abstaining from sex does not pause romance.God has gladly provided many avenues for partners to grow in intimacy. If we would just take our focus off of the forbidden tree, we would be able to see and enjoy the many trees in the garden. For those who are single and waiting, thank God for this beautiful opportunity to grow individually in Him, as you build a strong foundation and He prepares you for the upcoming chapters in your life. Also, be careful that your desire for companionship does not lead you to compromise your decision to abstain from sex. Abstaining from sex will not fend off your life partner. At the appointed time,your soul mate will be grateful that you showed love even before knowing them. After all, the goal shouldn't be to just get married, but to stay married and to honor God with our marriage.

Grace & Love ,

David & Ella