Opening up to people is not easy. Some of us might be afraid
of rejection. Others might be worried about being judged. Whatever the
hesitation, being transparent is a major blessing, both to you and those around
you. Reflect on all that you have been through in life; all your triumphs, all
your failures, all your happy moments, those times of sadness, everything. Not
one person on the face of this earth has experienced all that you have. You are
the only person in the whole world who carries and knows your story. That story
is special. Some people may like it, some will love it, some will despise you
for your experiences, and some might even feel offended by your story.
Regardless, this world needs your story. The good, the bad, all of it.
Every time we pretend to be someone we are not, we rob those
around us of our true selves, which is our greatest gift to the world. Wearing
a mask, putting on a front, and pretending to be someone other than ourselves
is extremely dangerous. Each time we do this, we move further and further from
our true selves and the mask that we are wearing becomes more attached to us. If we’re not careful, we might convince
ourselves that the masks are really our faces.
Let your motivation to change be inspired by God, not by your surrounding. We weren't made to adapt, we were created to shine.
Growing up, I had a lot of self-esteem issues. Being a
first-generation American who was stuck between two worlds (West African,
African-American), I had a hard time fitting in. To my fellow Africans, I was
an Akata boy and to my fellow black folk, I was an African booty scratcher.
Because I wanted to fit in so badly, I would spend time practicing accents and
learning ways to carry myself in the different groups. I wanted to make sure
that wherever I was, I could blend in. I wanted the comfort of not standing
out. Some of us find blending in so comfortable, but God didn’t create us so
uniquely so that we could start acting like what we are not. He made us uniquely so that His massive
creativity could be displayed as we bless the world with our unique selves.
When Ella and I got together, I brought with me some baggage
and dark secrets from the past. I had no intentions of telling her because I
wanted so badly to just forget about these things. I was afraid that if she knew
these secrets, she would want nothing to do with me. Not only that, but I also
hesitated to let her know about some of the current struggles that I was
dealing with. The temptation to masturbate and let my eyes wander were huge
weaknesses for me and can still be today, if I am not careful. Keeping these
things from her, I pretended to be super clean and holy.
Opening up about my past and current struggles proved to be
one of the greatest decisions. It was scary, but I knew it was necessary. How
could I claim to be courting (in a relationship with the intentions of marrying)
her while living a lie? I had said the words, “I love you” plenty of times, and
it was time that I started acting like it, even if it made me uncomfortable
(REALLYY UNCOMFORTABLE). And so, one day I told her. I told her about some past
relationships, the things I had done, the people I had manipulated, the
addiction to pornography, and all that I could remember.
She responded with the love Christ showed the woman who had
been caught in adultery. There was no judgment or condemnation, just love. I
remember her words like it was yesterday; “babe, its ok. No one’s perfect,
we’ve all got our skeletons. I still love you.” A huge weight was lifted off of
my shoulders. No longer did I feel the pressure to be Mr. Perfect. I could just
be me; imperfect David trying to grow closer to God.
Our prayer life as a couple changed also. No longer were we
praying the usual “provide all our needs, and lead us with your Spirit” prayers
(which are great), but we started getting down and dirty and calling out the
demons we were dealing with by name. That one transparent moment brought about
some great results BUT transparency does not stop there. With every passing
moment, there is an opportunity to be more honest to your partner. Ella and I
are no pros of transparency. Regardless, we strive to improve in that area
every day.
and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. -Mark 10:8
At times, we hear
people who have just been divorced say things like, “He’s not the man that I
married, I don’t know what happened to him”, or “she wasn’t like that before we
got married, it feels like I’m with a totally different person.” To avoid this,
honesty and transparency is a necessity in every courtship. Unlike dating,
courting should not be about winning a woman’s heart or presenting your best
self so that you can reel in that guy.
It should be about revealing your true and authentic self, including your
weaknesses, your shortcomings, and your bad habits. To hide all of these
things and enter into a life-long covenant with someone is to make a joke out
of God’s gift of marriage.
If you’re single and waiting, reflect on all that God has
brought you through. Embrace the lessons that you learned from your
experiences. Practice transparency when communicating with God. Share your true
feelings. Let Him know that you are happy or upset or frustrated or excited,
whatever. If you won’t be honest with the One who knows everything, don’t
expect to be honest with someone who has no clue.
If you’re in a relationship and you want to test its
realness, be transparent and challenge your partner to do the same. If God has
not condemned you, neither should anyone else, especially not your soul mate. So don’t be afraid of scaring them off, because if your union is according to
God’s will, they will love you all the more for sharing. BUT if you will not
share, for whatever reason, do yourself, your partner, potential kids, and the
rest of the world a favor and break it off. Time is too precious and today’s
divorce rates are making marriage sound like a puppy love pinky
promise, and we simply must do better.
#letskeepitreal
#dontbeanotherstatistic
#Godlovestherealyoutheyshouldtoo
#iftheycant
#tellemswerve
Grace and Love,
David
No comments:
Post a Comment