When the Enemy Reminds Me of My Past

“Blog about abstinence? me? God this sounds like a job for a virgin, my past is way too filthy.” - Me (During the time I argued with God about blogging). I couldn't understand why God wanted to use me. I was still in the process of forgiving myself and completely letting go of my past. Isn’t funny how the devil operates? he decorates sin, lures you in, then he binds you to it. You've said “this is the last time” way too many times! The devil will make sure that sin controls your thoughts, choices and how you spend your day. In the midst of ALL of this, the same devil who teased you with sin is accusing and labeling you a sinner before God. As the devil is accusing you, Jesus is interceding for you. What kind of love is this?! Not only did He die on the cross (for you) but He rose from the dead (for you), and is now sitting at the right hand of God interceding (for you) - Romans 8:34!! The devil works hard to make sure that you don’t forget what you've DONE, to stop you from what you could DO, if you knew how badly God wants to free you. He’ll either use your thoughts, people or anything else he can find. His goal is to hold you back from being the person God has called you to be because you’ll destroy his plans to steal, kill and destroy. So what do you do when the enemy tries to remind you of your past?

Note that you can only play for one team. There’s no middle. Think about it. Sin/your past holds you back from doing so much! And the devil puts in WORK to keep you hostage because once you're free or have true knowledge of your freedom, he lost a member of his team!

I had to work towards not being a slave to my past and the people who try to keep me there. God forgave me and remembered my sin no more (Isaiah 43:25) but I wasn't allowing myself to feel God's forgiveness. There are still days that I find myself thinking maybe I should keep to myself or maybe I shouldn't share this blog with this person, because they’ll say I’m a hypocrite. Isn't it crazy how the people who were there when you were lost, won’t let the lost you go? They make you feel bad for becoming a better person, saying things like “OH so you think you’re a saint now?!” As if all of us shouldn't be striving to become better, as if GROWTH is bad. Don’t take it personal, NO ONE with the spirit of God within them will bring you down for turning your life around and breaking free from the sins that controlled your life. That’s the enemy working through them, in hopes of clouding your vision and breathing life into your past. People will brainwash you into believing that God does not love you unconditionally, but God is not like us. Ponder on that. When you hurt or sin against Him, He wants you to run TO Him not away from Him. God’s love for us doesn't make sense, it’s hard to grasp that a God like Him would want anything to do with us, as imperfect as we are. But He said He came for the broken and the sick not those who consider themselves righteous (Mark 2:17).

God uses imperfect people in the Bible, which is His love letter to the brokenhearted, lost and unwanted. Jacob was a deceiver but God still used him, Paul killed Christians and persecuted the church but God still turned his life around and Paul became the OG Apostle who wrote 13 books in the New Testament! David had an affair but God did not disqualify him from grace, Peter had a bad temper, Noah was a drunkard, Rahab was a prostitute, Moses was a murderer and he had a stuttering problem and Elijah was suicidal. STOP using your past and weaknesses as an excuse, the Bible is filled with broken people to show you that there is hope for you too. Even though I knew God wanted to use me, I ran away from Him, because I wanted to mind my own business, and not give people a reason to talk about me. I’m still trying to figure out who I thought I was! Don’t exclude yourself because you think you’re not built for God’s work, you cannot be a follower of Christ from a distance. WE are all called to spread His love, forget about everything that you lack, your enemies, your weaknesses and your past; leave it all on the cross. As Christians our duty on this earth is to be about our Father’s business. We’re not worthy but God does not care about that. This should humble us, NOT cripple us!  

Today, forgive yourself! Stop beating yourself up for what you did, who you did or how you did it. It’s all DEAD, according to God’s word, only if you repent and surrender all. God didn't even beat up the old you, He had mercy on you. We are not deserving of God's grace, but grace is undeserved kindness and God is full of it! This does not mean you should take advantage of God’s love. It’s just a reminder that God is madly in LOVE with your flawed self!

I know the enemy convinced you that when you sin, God wants nothing to do with you. So when whenever you fall short, you don’t even pray, out of guilt or you try to justify what you did and act like you don’t even care anymore. STOP. You've been misinformed, the God the world portrays is not the same God that is in the Bible. When we fall short, He wants us to draw near to Him and He will lift us up, to keep fighting to live a life of freedom. He is patient with us because He knows us and He doesn't want us to perish (2 Peter 3:9). God is happy that you’re back home, regardless of how you may feel. Do not allow your past to separate you from experiencing God’s love, He understands and He will literally turn your life around. There is no mess too messy for God, He will mold you back to who He created you to be. Jesus never called anyone to look backward but He calls us forward, and to keep going. So, stop feeling bad for yourself and get up, we have work to do!

                                                                 Grace & Peace,

                                                                          Ella.