He's My Man, Not My God.

All of the pressure that you put on a man to be perfect is a reflection of your incomplete, lukewarm relationship with God. God is the only one that can make you whole. If you go into the relationship as an incomplete person, you've already destroyed the relationship before it truly begins. No one can take the pressure of being someone's god, that’s why God alone is sovereign. Therefore you bring nothing to the relationship but stress and frustration. Your relationship with God should always be a priority, it's the foundation to every area of your life. If God is indeed Love, then God's love needs to be made whole in you before you can love another human being, who is meeting you with their own baggage.

            "If They Can Control Your Emotions, They Can Control Your Life."

From experience I know that it's very easy for us to make our men our god, placing them on a pedestal that only has room for God. What ends up happening is, you hold him responsible for things that he has no control over. For example, peace, restoration and joy but God is the only supplier for that. Don’t get me wrong, being loved by the right one is life-changing, but they will have their bad days. So, when you have them positioned as the god in your life, there's no room for grace. They’ll feel like they always have to be on 10, they can never mess up. I know, we’ve heard that the man should be our superman, which is fine but let him be a human being too. Sometimes we see a Godly man, and expect him to be God Himself. Meaning, no mistakes, no breaks, no flaws, no issues, no weakness the list goes on! Just because he’s a Godly man doesn’t mean there’s no room for error, it just means that just as you are fighting daily to be more like Christ , so is he. In that kind of environment the love cannot grow, in fact you suffocate it. You'll begin to wonder why you're not happy, overlooking all the good that they are able to do, because you're so focused on your expectations of them being your superman, the source of your happiness, and ultimately your god. Humans were created for worship, so it's very easy for us to become obsessed with someone or something. But you were commanded to guard our heart (Proverbs 4:23) and guarding your heart becomes extremely difficult, if you’re giving a human being power that only belongs to God.

  I've learned that for God to be the foundation, my eyes have to be focused on Him(Jesus) not him (David). Okay… that sounded pretty spiritual and not practical. Basically all of the attention that you’re giving to him, the constant worship, the fact that you can’t wait to find an opportunity to praise him in front of everyone but you praise God only in private...that has to stop. It's extremely toxic to your spirit and the health of the relationship. When my relationship with God is off, then my relationship with David is completely off. It directly affects us because I'm spiritually frustrated, and so the littlest things irritate me and no amount of words of affirmation or hugs can fix that.

"Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord." - Jeremiah 17:5

In some cases, women make the man their god before they even meet him. A relationship won't make you whole, don't desire it more than you desire God. A man, a relationship will not answer the cry of your soul, although it can drown out the noise for some time but not for long. Remember that he is a human being just like you, He's not Jesus. His goal should be to grow in his assignment to love you just as Christ loves his church (when he’s your husband). But you have to make room for him to grow, Jesus loves the Church as His bride so much that It was worth his life. Newsflash: No one is born with that amount of love! So be full of grace, love and encouragement, it will promote the growth of Christ-like Love! I think that If you can't draw a line between your expectations for God and your expectations from your partner then, you’ve probably given him the place of God in your life. You can't expect him to have all the answers sometimes he just doesn’t know, and you need to be fine with that and carry the same grace God gives you. It is unfair to him, just because you allowed your spiritual well to run dry doesn’t mean your significant other should quench your thirst.

Interestingly enough you get into a relationship thinking you're finally about to be happy, but then months go by and you find yourself just as miserable as you were before. Fact: No man should ever take the place of God, not when he’s your boyfriend, your fiance or husband - it doesn’t matter how the title changes God should still be sovereign in your life. You can respect and honor him without making him an idol. You'll find yourself resenting him and creating problems that aren’t even there! Don’t suck the life out of your relationship, you’ll both be way happier and comfortable when you allow God to be God, all by Himself. No one should have that much power over you! When you give people that kind of power, they will misuse and abuse it.. Which will result in them abusing you and leaving you when they're tired of playing the role of god in your life. Jesus is the only Prince of Peace, so let Him be your main and only source of peace.

Signs: (may not be the same for you, identify yours!)

• Spending more time with him than God.
• Relying solely on him for happiness. 
• Expecting him to "make" you feel loved by him allllllll the time.
• Expecting him to read your mind and know your most deepest desires.. (When you haven’t even voiced them). 
• Exaggerating their every move & mistakes with your imaginary magnifying glass.
• They have the power to turn your day upside down with just a single word. 
• Finding yourself angry at him when he cannot physically be there.
• Overly dependent on him (only God can handle that pressure). 
• You feel like your life is falling apart when he's too busy to spend time with you. 
• Thinking of ways to better your relationship more than your relationship with God.

“You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them” (Ex. 20:3–5)

OUR NEW EBOOK "BREAKING FREE AFTER A BREAKUP" IS OUT NOW!!
HERE'S THE LINK!: http://www.amazon.com/dp/ASIN  https://books2read.com/u/3LrB7D 

                               I Love y'all!! & Jesus loves you sooo much more,
                                                               Ella 

Uh oh, I Feel Like My Girlfriend is Already My Wife

After 4 whole years of being with Emmanuella, it’s hard not to feel entitled to sex. In these four years, I’ve been faithful, loyal, patient, I’ve shown her the utmost respect, generosity and much more (I have definitely been a pain in the butt as well but that’s not the point right now). After all the flowers, edible arrangements, dinners, hours on the phone, sweet words, and Instagram features, there are moments when I feel like I’m putting in more work than half my brothers, but ain’t getting’ half of what they gettin’.

Valentine's Day Weekend : David Surprises Ella with If I Ever Fall In Love

Valentine's Day Weekend : David Surprises Ella with If I Ever Fall In Love

This Valentine's Day Weekend
David: "I have some friends who want to meet you"
*group walks into the room singing *
Ella: I'm going to pass out now..

This was Surprise #1! You can hear David laughing while recording this video lol He really got me good! honestly one of the sweetest moments of my life , thank you for showing me that I do not have to degrade myself for a man to honor me. You go out of your way to remind me that I'm loved every chance you get and I appreciate you so much! 
And thank you to S - Factor of Tufts University , your voices numbed me... literally I couldn't move lol! 

*Other videos will be posted soon on our Youtube channel - David Ella ! Go on the channel and subscribe!!

Will the Real Christians Please Stand Up?

Nehemiah 2:17 – “You see the trouble we are in: Jerusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have been burned with fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace… Let us start rebuilding.”

You wouldn’t need to make much of an argument to say that many current-day ‘Christians’ are in a similar state as Jerusalem was during Nehemiah’s time. Simply put, we’re a hot mess. This church says this, and this church argues that. This pastor committed this and this pastor did that. Oh, and let’s not forget what happens when you walk into some church buildings. You might have entered with intentions of having an encounter with God, but quickly learned that you stepped into the most tantalizing soap opera, dripping with drama, gossip, and you name it. There is great division, not only between churches, but between members. Besides and beyond that, many Christians have forgotten what it means to follow Christ. Holiness has been watered down to attending church on Easter Sunday and purity has been minimized to masturbating only once a week. How can God’s Kingdom possibly move forward if we continue like this?

I'm Busy: I Don't Have Time For God!

Why is it so hard to spend quality time with God? Everyone and everything else gets our 

undivided attention, but God usually gets us when we're worn out from our day or too tired to get out of bed ..or when we need something. Our jobs, school, activities and material things get most of our time, but all these things can and will perish in a matter of seconds. Some of us take more care of our material things than our souls/spiritual life...but your car can easily be destroyed in an accident in 2 seconds, your hair can fall out, your sneakers can catch on fire BUT your spirit can either live in freedom or suffer for eternity. In any relationship, the people involved have to spend quality time with each other. A relationship without communication and quality time is dead and it cannot grow deeper in intimacy. Christianity is so much more than following a list of rules - do and don'ts.

His Chains Set Me Free: Childish Ways Are Now Behind

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. -1 Corinthians 13:11

Once upon a time, my every desire was catered to. Whether the desire was food, attention, a particular toy, or whatever else, the secret was to cry loudly. It worked almost every time. The reverse worked the same way. If there was anything I didn’t want, crying loudly was the signal for a different plate, my other toy, the channel with Barney, or whatever else I wanted changed. In those days, I got what I wanted, when I wanted it and how I wanted it.

When We Don't Deal With the 'Little' Sins

Many of us allow sin to hang around because it doesn’t seem to be doing much harm. We may convince ourselves that the sin is ‘small’ because it doesn’t hurt us or anyone else. “So what if I watch porn? I’m not doing anyone any harm. I’m just chillin’ in my room, mindin’ my own business. I don’t lie (most times), I’m not having sex, I don’t steal (unless its meat from the pot), and I help people whenever I can. I think God can cut me some slack, and let a brother live a little.”

Keep Your Eyes on Jesus

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" - Matthew 14:30

Years ago, my Sunday school teacher would ask the class, “how many of you can honestly say that you will go to heaven if Jesus was to come back right now?” Although I never raised my hand, because it was the norm not to, I remember feeling like I would go to heaven. I remember thinking to myself, “I may not be perfect, but I’m a pretty good guy”. I remember looking around the room and thinking to myself, if I don’t make it to heaven, than most of these heathens don't stand a chance.

When the Enemy Reminds Me of My Past

“Blog about abstinence? me? God this sounds like a job for a virgin, my past is way too filthy.” - Me (During the time I argued with God about blogging). I couldn't understand why God wanted to use me. I was still in the process of forgiving myself and completely letting go of my past. Isn’t funny how the devil operates? he decorates sin, lures you in, then he binds you to it. You've said “this is the last time” way too many times! The devil will make sure that sin controls your thoughts, choices and how you spend your day. In the midst of ALL of this, the same devil who teased you with sin is accusing and labeling you a sinner before God. As the devil is accusing you, Jesus is interceding for you. What kind of love is this?! Not only did He die on the cross (for you) but He rose from the dead (for you), and is now sitting at the right hand of God interceding (for you) - Romans 8:34!! The devil works hard to make sure that you don’t forget what you've DONE, to stop you from what you could DO, if you knew how badly God wants to free you. He’ll either use your thoughts, people or anything else he can find. His goal is to hold you back from being the person God has called you to be because you’ll destroy his plans to steal, kill and destroy. So what do you do when the enemy tries to remind you of your past?

Transparency: If You're Fake, Then So is Your Relationship

Revealing your insecurities does not have the power to scare love away, but pretending to be “perfect” will. We’ll constantly be on a search for intimacy and love if we continue to be professionals at hiding what makes us who we are. Hearing the words “I love you” may sound like music to our ears, but WHO are they talking to? We can’t accept those words if we choose to only reveal the parts of ourselves that we see fit to be loved. It’s easy to bite our tongues and keep the ugly areas of our lives to ourselves, but all that does is hinder the growth of the relationship. Sometimes, people struggle with transparency because the other person doesn't make it easy to open up and share. Another reason could be, we are afraid that revealing ourselves will cause only cause people to run away and we’ll be judged or misunderstood.

In our relationship, we've struggled with transparency, but our fear of losing each other’s respect and love made us to belittle it. When we addressed the issue and diligently worked towards keeping it a part of our foundation, we saw the fruit of transparency. The Webster’s definition of Transparency says “a picture viewed by light shining THROUGH it or by projection”. Jesus, He is our light and when He shines through us we can embrace transparency. It is through Him that we become content with who we are as God’s creation, loving Gods work enough to open up and be loved.

I want a man to look at me and say, 'THAT'S HER!'

What if Eve got as thirsty for love as we do? What if Eve got impatient like us and settled for any ‘animal’ that gave her attention Because she wouldn't wait on God’s timing …a Lion?

…LION & EVE?

How many more years is it going to take you, to realize that everything you’re doing to attract a man is never going to attract YOUR man? You always look good and you even started going to the gym, but you’re still not being treated as the queen you are! No, there is nothing wrong with you– but sis, you’ll never be the right one for the wrong person. You’re trying to awaken love before it’s time and you’re worn-out, but you keep pushing and it always ends the same, if not worse. I know it’s tough, especially when you go on Instagram and everyone is showing off their MCM or WCW, and you’re just wondering "when is someone going to show me off ?". But being someone’s WCW for months or years, just to have your pictures taken down isn't worth it; it’s actually embarrassing.

Young Christian Couples: Let's Talk Sex; FAQ (Part 1)

PART 2 will be posted very soon! Here are some questions we've been asked and we thought it would probably help others too. If you have any questions or you wish to discuss certain topics further, let us know below! For social media you can contact us on  Instagram : @For_ella @Presidentduodu,  Facebook : Emmanuella Tandoh (hardly on there) , David Asamoah-Duodu and Twitter : @presidentduodu @_xfollowmyheels.

1. Marriage is so far away; you guys are young, why start waiting now?

DAVID: The start of our careers is also far away, yet we’re in school, studying, writing papers, searching for internships, etc. in hopes of best preparing ourselves for our specific offices. In the same breath, we feel that marriage is a serious office that requires serious preparation. We believe that waiting is a huge element of that preparation, and so... we wait.

ELLA: What he said… Why not start now? Before we are even a couple we are God’s children, and our relationship with Him should also come before “us”. It amazes me how we’re so quick to subtract Gods instructions, and shove Him away but not question how the society says our relationships should be. We’re starting now because we want to grow intimacy every day. You might say it’s still possible to grow in intimacy with sex, but I think people only believe that because that’s all they know. When I compare my previous relationships to me and David’s relationship, I see a huge difference! Abstinence has a way of revealing your true colors without your control, I knew I had issues but this relationship has shown me that I’m actually a hot mess. It’s done the same for David also, loving each other back to life and praying for each other has brought a tremendous amount of healing! I know waiting till marriage isn’t the easiest thing to do, actually it’s become the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it’s brought healing I didn’t know I needed, brought me closer to God, and a relationship that always seems too good to be true. It’s worth it.

Abstinence Ain't Sexy

Why is it so hard to believe that you can be in a relationship without sex, when you’ve had so many failed relationships with sex? Some use sex as a means of applying glue to a relationship and wonder why the bond ends up weakening to the point of destruction. How can a relationship truly stand the attacks of this world when Love Himself isn’t invited? The title of this blog expresses the lie the world attempts to portray as truth. There’s truly nothing sexier than abstaining from premature, untimely sex. It only sounds like a joke because we were born into a world that chooses to persuade us to believe that God and His Word is a joke because truth has been rejected. So truth is sex is great, there’s no way around it and God never labeled it as nasty or “bad”, or a topic to be forbidden from discussion in the church; we did that. Search all over the Bible and you’ll see that God deemed it good. 

To the Women

As a young woman, I found that abstinence is definitely sexy because it shows that I am aware of my worth and a man must handle me with care. This choice expresses my desire to be treated with the utmost respect and dignity. The only way a man can have all of me is by courting me then giving up his bachelor life to be my husband. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s a part of being the woman God has called me to be. It’s not about being a perfect saint, it’s about persistently  fighting to live a life of purity. If His word says He wants you to keep your legs closed until you and your soul mate belong to each other, trust His word because He’s the real Love doctor. Those magazines, advice columns and friends are leading you astray, because they are secretly just as lost as you are. If there’s anyone who knows how to keep the love alive between you and your partner it’s God, don’t forget that He created the both of you.

Growing up, I lacked respect for men but David fell into a different category. I respect him because, he refuses to allow sex to be his master and he’s not encouraging his desires to cause him to disobey God’s word. Because David submits himself to God, I actually look forward to submitting myself to him when he’s my husband, and seriously after years of loving me without sex, his wish will always gladly be my command….TMI? When we are married I want to honor my husband out of desire, not just obligation. When love is done God’s way the “sexy” never dies. When I made Jesus the love of my life, I was be able to see myself the way He does. Try it out, He adores you and once the scales have been removed from your eyes you’ll understand why practicing abstinence is necessary for a jewel like yourself. Through abstinence both your strengths and weaknesses will be revealed to each other. It’ll cause you to lean on God while loving your partner despite their flaws, and that’s what intimacy is all about.

To the Gentlemen

As a young man, the thought of waiting until marriage seems impossible, especially since marriage seems so far away. And quite frankly, the desire for sex doesn’t magically disappear, no matter how many times I pray. To be completely honest, I sometimes get the urge in the middle of prayer. Nevertheless, as God continues to unveil the truth about Love, He’s shown me that selflessness is sacrifice, and love, in its most authentic form cannot exist without sacrifice (greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends) – John 15:13. He has taught me the importance of waging war against my flesh and laying down my sexual desires because in so doing, I exercise true love not only in obedience to Him, but in consideration of my future wife and other women out there.

By God’s grace, I happen to know who my future wife is. So for us, waiting is our love gift to one another, through which we express our utmost respect to each other and we invite our heavenly Father to be the foundation and focal point of the relationship. Because Emmanuella chooses to abstain as she practices purity and seeks her Father, who happens to be the King of kings, it becomes natural for me to treasure her as the princess she is. God has taught me to see her as the King’s daughter and this new perspective fights against all my urges to see her as an object for sexual release. This new perspective demands a different approach from me, especially since the King, her Father, sees and knows all things. It has not been easy, but God continues to teach and strengthen me in this fight. 

To All

On June 24, 2012, we were brought together, weathered from past experiences, scarred from failed relationships, yet united by the pacts we had separately made to radically and wholeheartedly seek God.

Over two years of waiting has been far from easy. But we know that every relationship, just like every life, has a great purpose upon it. We believe God is calling us to challenge ourselves and to save sex for the marriage bed.God brought us together quite early in our lives and we've been blessed with the opportunity to grow together in pursuit of a God-fearing marriage.  Regardless of who you are, the gift of waiting is a blessing in which we are all welcomed to partake.

For those who are courting and wish to abstain from sex, remember to set guidelines and to hold each other accountable. But don’t forget to be friends. Abstaining from sex does not pause romance.God has gladly provided many avenues for partners to grow in intimacy. If we would just take our focus off of the forbidden tree, we would be able to see and enjoy the many trees in the garden. For those who are single and waiting, thank God for this beautiful opportunity to grow individually in Him, as you build a strong foundation and He prepares you for the upcoming chapters in your life. Also, be careful that your desire for companionship does not lead you to compromise your decision to abstain from sex. Abstaining from sex will not fend off your life partner. At the appointed time,your soul mate will be grateful that you showed love even before knowing them. After all, the goal shouldn't be to just get married, but to stay married and to honor God with our marriage.

Grace & Love ,

David & Ella