Why is it so hard to believe that you can be in a relationship without sex, when you’ve had so many failed relationships with sex? Some use sex as a means of applying glue to a relationship and wonder why the bond ends up weakening to the point of destruction. How can a relationship truly stand the attacks of this world when Love Himself isn’t invited? The title of this blog expresses the lie the world attempts to portray as truth. There’s truly nothing sexier than abstaining from premature, untimely sex. It only sounds like a joke because we were born into a world that chooses to persuade us to believe that God and His Word is a joke because truth has been rejected. So truth is sex is great, there’s no way around it and God never labeled it as nasty or “bad”, or a topic to be forbidden from discussion in the church; we did that. Search all over the Bible and you’ll see that God deemed it good.
To the Women
As a young woman, I found that abstinence is definitely sexy because it shows that I am aware of my worth and a man must handle me with care. This choice expresses my desire to be treated with the utmost respect and dignity. The only way a man can have all of me is by courting me then giving up his bachelor life to be my husband. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s a part of being the woman God has called me to be. It’s not about being a perfect saint, it’s about persistently fighting to live a life of purity. If His word says He wants you to keep your legs closed until you and your soul mate belong to each other, trust His word because He’s the real Love doctor. Those magazines, advice columns and friends are leading you astray, because they are secretly just as lost as you are. If there’s anyone who knows how to keep the love alive between you and your partner it’s God, don’t forget that He created the both of you.
Growing up, I lacked respect for men but David fell into a different category. I respect him because, he refuses to allow sex to be his master and he’s not encouraging his desires to cause him to disobey God’s word. Because David submits himself to God, I actually look forward to submitting myself to him when he’s my husband, and seriously after years of loving me without sex, his wish will always gladly be my command….TMI? When we are married I want to honor my husband out of desire, not just obligation. When love is done God’s way the “sexy” never dies. When I made Jesus the love of my life, I was be able to see myself the way He does. Try it out, He adores you and once the scales have been removed from your eyes you’ll understand why practicing abstinence is necessary for a jewel like yourself. Through abstinence both your strengths and weaknesses will be revealed to each other. It’ll cause you to lean on God while loving your partner despite their flaws, and that’s what intimacy is all about.
To the Gentlemen
As a young man, the thought of waiting until marriage seems impossible, especially since marriage seems so far away. And quite frankly, the desire for sex doesn’t magically disappear, no matter how many times I pray. To be completely honest, I sometimes get the urge in the middle of prayer. Nevertheless, as God continues to unveil the truth about Love, He’s shown me that selflessness is sacrifice, and love, in its most authentic form cannot exist without sacrifice (greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends) – John 15:13. He has taught me the importance of waging war against my flesh and laying down my sexual desires because in so doing, I exercise true love not only in obedience to Him, but in consideration of my future wife and other women out there.
By God’s grace, I happen to know who my future wife is. So for us, waiting is our love gift to one another, through which we express our utmost respect to each other and we invite our heavenly Father to be the foundation and focal point of the relationship. Because Emmanuella chooses to abstain as she practices purity and seeks her Father, who happens to be the King of kings, it becomes natural for me to treasure her as the princess she is. God has taught me to see her as the King’s daughter and this new perspective fights against all my urges to see her as an object for sexual release. This new perspective demands a different approach from me, especially since the King, her Father, sees and knows all things. It has not been easy, but God continues to teach and strengthen me in this fight.
To All
On June 24, 2012, we were brought together, weathered from past experiences, scarred from failed relationships, yet united by the pacts we had separately made to radically and wholeheartedly seek God.
Over two years of waiting has been far from easy. But we know that every relationship, just like every life, has a great purpose upon it. We believe God is calling us to challenge ourselves and to save sex for the marriage bed.God brought us together quite early in our lives and we've been blessed with the opportunity to grow together in pursuit of a God-fearing marriage. Regardless of who you are, the gift of waiting is a blessing in which we are all welcomed to partake.
For those who are courting and wish to abstain from sex, remember to set guidelines and to hold each other accountable. But don’t forget to be friends. Abstaining from sex does not pause romance.God has gladly provided many avenues for partners to grow in intimacy. If we would just take our focus off of the forbidden tree, we would be able to see and enjoy the many trees in the garden. For those who are single and waiting, thank God for this beautiful opportunity to grow individually in Him, as you build a strong foundation and He prepares you for the upcoming chapters in your life. Also, be careful that your desire for companionship does not lead you to compromise your decision to abstain from sex. Abstaining from sex will not fend off your life partner. At the appointed time,your soul mate will be grateful that you showed love even before knowing them. After all, the goal shouldn't be to just get married, but to stay married and to honor God with our marriage.
Grace & Love ,
David & Ella
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