Let Go of Your Past, but Hold on to Your Testimony

When we reflect on our past experiences, we find that there are many things we wish we could change. We wish we could take back some things we said, some things we thought, and some things we DID. If we were to find a genie, our wish might be for a time machine so that we could go back and undo some things in hope of a different and better outcome. Sadly, despite all advancements, we still live in a technological age incapable of locating an entire aircraft that goes missing at sea. Sorry to break it to you, but we will not see an operating time machine anytime soon. Perhaps, a better option will be to forget the hurt and to reject the regret of yesterday. Let them go, BUT do not forget how God kept you and brought you out. The realization of God’s sufficient grace turns the story of your mess into a MESSAGE and the story of your test into a TESTIMONY.

They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. – Revelations 12:11

The blood of the Lamb was shed some 2000 years ago, but the fulfillment of our triumph is delayed because God’s people have withheld their testimony. You can’t imagine sharing your past with your clique. It’ll take your reputation from 100 to 0 real quick. Nevertheless, the benefits are endless. Not only will others be encouraged by hearing about your experiences, but they will be reminded of God’s endless love for us, despite us.

In hopes of encouraging more transparency within God’s family, I will stop talking about sharing and SHARE.

I was first exposed to a pornographic video when I was in the 2nd grade. I didn’t know what I was watching or what it was called, but I knew that the physical reaction I had to the visual was something I enjoyed and wanted more of. This was the beginning of an addiction that would grow and last for 10 years until my senior year in high school. In the 2nd grade, I didn’t think God had a problem with this, but I knew that I could not allow my mom to discover this secret. Before long, pornography by itself became boring, and I soon coupled it with masturbation, a trick I learned during my high school days. By now, I knew what the church’s stance on these things were, but in an effort to justify my actions I would search the web for different views and comfort myself with articles that argued that this was normal and encouraged the practice for stress-relieving and good health. Besides, I was still a virgin; that was all that mattered right?

Pornography and masturbation opened the door to a whole lot of MESS. During this time, I could not walk by a woman without unclothing her in my mind. It became so serious, that my mind stopped caring whether or not these women had reached the age of consent. In other words, even little girl cousins were victims of my unclothing mind. My pedophilic thoughts were soon accompanied by homosexual thoughts. One night in high school, I had a wet dream in which I had sex with a man. Lost and ashamed, I fought off suicidal thoughts as best I could. In an effort to reassure myself that I was not gay, I decided it was time to let my virginity go. Pornography and masturbation had nothing on sexual intercourse. I became completely deaf to any talk of abstinence once I became sexually active.

BUT GOD had different plans. Not only did He keep me and protect me while I was happily living in sin, but He snatched me out of that life before things could get really bad. In reflection, I see that God was always there with me. He kept me from any untimely pregnancies. Every time I received a text message about a late period, it was soon followed by a life-saving “it came” message. He kept me from losing my high school scholarship for being in the girls’ dormitory outside of permitted time. He kept me in academic excellence when the warfare in my mind should have made itimpossible to study. He kept me from doing anything with my cousins that would completely ruin my life and theirs. I could go on and on about how things could have gone completely south... BUT GOD.

After relieving me from the bondage of sexual sin, a process that happened gradually, He opened my eyes to see that although the bondage was an attack of the enemy upon my life, nothing happened outside of His sovereignty. He showed me that the enemy wished to take advantage of a generational curse as a means of destroying me. Between my two grandfathers, there were 90 children and 9 wives. My father, limited by the culture of a newer time, had 5 children between 4 women. I say this to point out that sexual sin has been a trend in my family and has resulted in broken families and single mother households, such as my own. God showed me that the enemy did not have anything against me personally. Satan’s beef was with God.

Not only did God know me before I was placed in my mother’s womb, but so did the enemy. Satan knows the purpose for which I was created and he knew the ministry God was conceiving in my spiritual belly, before I did. In an effort to destroy that purpose and that ministry, he attacked me at my weak point from a tender age. Knowing that I would be blessed with the gift of marriage, he fought to ruin my marriage before it even began. He knew that by bounding me in sexual sin, both my marriage and household would be doomed. If he succeeded in this, the ministry in my belly would never become reality… BUT GOD.

He protected me, kept me, and rescued me so that my test and my mess should become myTESTIMONY and my MESSAGE. You may relate to none of it, some of it, or all of it. Nevertheless, your story is precious to our Almighty Father. And He who knows the stars by name allows nothing to happen outside of His sovereignty. He hurt you to heal you, He drained you to fill you, and He broke your life down to rebuild you. Open your heart to receive His grace, forgiveness, and love. And I dare you to OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SHARE YOUR TESTIMONY TO PROCLAIM THE GOODNESS OF THE LORD.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9

Grace and Love,

David