Transparency: If You're Fake, Then So is Your Relationship

Revealing your insecurities does not have the power to scare love away, but pretending to be “perfect” will. We’ll constantly be on a search for intimacy and love if we continue to be professionals at hiding what makes us who we are. Hearing the words “I love you” may sound like music to our ears, but WHO are they talking to? We can’t accept those words if we choose to only reveal the parts of ourselves that we see fit to be loved. It’s easy to bite our tongues and keep the ugly areas of our lives to ourselves, but all that does is hinder the growth of the relationship. Sometimes, people struggle with transparency because the other person doesn't make it easy to open up and share. Another reason could be, we are afraid that revealing ourselves will cause only cause people to run away and we’ll be judged or misunderstood.

In our relationship, we've struggled with transparency, but our fear of losing each other’s respect and love made us to belittle it. When we addressed the issue and diligently worked towards keeping it a part of our foundation, we saw the fruit of transparency. The Webster’s definition of Transparency says “a picture viewed by light shining THROUGH it or by projection”. Jesus, He is our light and when He shines through us we can embrace transparency. It is through Him that we become content with who we are as God’s creation, loving Gods work enough to open up and be loved.

After being in “relationships” without substance, I didn't understand the importance of being transparent. My previous relationship didn’t require me to truly open up because my ex wasn't trying to study me. Yes, in the beginning they’d say they wanted to get to know me but all that stopped after surface level questions like “what do you like to do for fun?” and “what kind of music do you like?”. When I noticed that David was trying to read me like a book, I didn't take it well. Instead of being happy that a man was actually listening to me, I got irritated. I wasn't comfortable because I was afraid he wouldn't like who I am behind the person I presented to the world; I didn't even really know her myself. When something bothered me I wouldn't express my feelings because I didn't want to be a nagging girlfriend or scare him away with my fears. I couldn't see how much I was hurting our relationship, I thought I was helping us stay out of arguments. I also had a million reasons why I didn't have to open up about my past, I’d say things like “well the past is in the past, I’m a different person now so it doesn't matter”. The truth is I was afraid that he would judge me, afraid that he would lose respect for me and because he’s human he wouldn't be able to look at me the same.

Being transparent is so much more than letting your man see you without make-up on. Transparency is opening up the parts of yourself that you’re not proud of, the parts you’re trying to get rid of and change. It includes revealing thoughts that you wish weren't there, dreams, weaknesses and bad choices. Recently I learned that, being transparent also means sharing every bit of your day. Even if you did something you’re not so proud of or there’s a part of your day you know partner wouldn't like. For example, one day my ex contacted me randomly after years of no communication, while David and I were spending time together. I paused and asked myself if it was necessary to share this with him. We literally JUST finished talking about transparency, and we had a pretty good day, why would I ruin it with this?! especially if I won’t reply back. David being David noticed something was wrong, and I’m so glad I told  him! He gave me great advice and we figured out how it should be handled together, which reminded me that we are friends before anything else.

All of your relationships are not real if you’re  not real. If you find yourself agreeing with someones opinion and not fully voicing your own just so it’ll appear that you have a lot in common - that relationship will not stand. I know it’s really tempting, and you want to seem compatible with the person but if you have to force something, even just a tad bit it, will suffocate and die with time. Be comfortable with what makes you. It’s okay if you’re not into what everyone else is into or if you’re not able to do anything (you think) people find impressive. Stop trying to impress people, you’re not leaving any room to be loved!

Looking at the definition of transparency I can’t believe I really thought I could be 100% transparent on my own. Without God’s light shining through me every effort I made was pointless. I had way too many hidden issues and only His light has the power to fade them out. It was so hard to believe that God had revealed my heart to this guy and that he sees more than just my body or face. David always tells me although he loves my wrapping paper (appearance) he really loves the gift (my heart, personality etc.). Isn’t he so adorbs?! It took time but I’ve actually ACCEPTED those words. Now, I stopped being so uptight and took off my mask, completely. We are constantly chasing people away with our masks, saying we did everything but in most cases we did everything but be ourselves. No one will ever feel like they’re good enough for someone who is “perfect” without flaws. If you’re wondering how to take your mask or costume off, God has His arms wide open. He’s been waiting to shine through you, and remove all that’s been holding you back from being yourself. Everything hidden within you will be revealed and you will love yourself enough to be loved, because of He who lives in you. “He reveals deep and hidden things, He knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with HIM” Daniel 2:22    

Let go of the fear of looking weak!  

Let go of accepting the norms of the world as YOUR truth! Let go of what people said about you to break you! Let go of what your ex didn't like about you! Let go of impressing people and just be honest! 

Let it all go, stop suffocating yourself!

    God know's everything & He’s still crazy about you,

Ella.

OUR NEW EBOOK "BREAKING FREE AFTER A BREAKUP" IS OUT NOW!!
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